Monday, July 21, 2008

That New Batman Movie Totally Sucked--Except all the Parts That Were Awesome

I saw The Dark Knight and I hated that shit. Well, I didn’t hate all that shit. Very little of that shit did I actually hate. Let's rephrase that. I loved that shit. Most of it, anyway. The action was top notch, with that motorcycle detaching from the car? And that 18-wheeler doing a back flip? And those jumps from tall places? Are you kidding me?

And I have to admit, every actor in this thing brought his game and maybe a little bit more game they borrowed from some well-hung friends. These guys were the heat, this Christian Bale with his high fashions and flexible batsuit. Aaron Eckhart making law enforcement look glam and worthwhile. And nobody needs me to waste valuable space on the Internet telling you how vile and delightful Heath Ledger was. So gay for that guy.

No, the shit I hated was mostly just Maggie Gyllenhaal. She dressed dumpy, looked sleepy and, then, no fault of her own, got off easy, plot-wise. Weak. 

Also weak were the wall-to-wall action sequences involving three or more locations where, honestly, they lost me. They lost characters. They lost whole buses full of characters. They emptied a hospital in three minutes, really? Wait, the Joker get out of his cell? And Gordon’s traitors, what was their deal, exactly? And now just hold on a minute here, how did the Joker get Batman pinned during the crucial fight scene, did I miss something?

But whatever. That’s a movie that sings and soars and kicked my ass and loved doing it. Hardest PG-13 I've ever seen, too. I wouldn’t have let my 12-year-old self see this, and I’d killed a guy or two by then.

Otherwise, gangbusters. Otherwise, second best movie of the year, right after that love story about robots.


Heidi said...

Glenn, I hate you, because you always write the funny and well-phrased things I wish I could have written. You are the writer I sometimes pretend I could be. :) Seriously. I love your shit. Totally agree about the movie, too. As a friend of mine put it, "it was a play in four acts."

Gretta said...

Phew! I was nervous for a second that you weren't going to recognize this movie as one of the best films of all freaking time. Of course, I haven't seen it yet...but I don't have to see it to know it's awesome. That's faith is what that is. Also, if I were a dude, I would totally be gay for Heath Ledger, too.

Anonymous said...

You curse too much Glennerd. Im scowlin at you for that.

Anonymous said...

You curse too much Glennerd! I'm scowlin at your for that!